What celebrity would you most like to meet in person?

Madonna

Ask me anything

Television Maiming

Everywhere I turn.  Everywhere I didn't turn.  At home.  In the car.  At work. Outdoors.  Indoors.  NO doors. . .

Technology is making noise, demanding attention, and not letting up until past my bedtime.

For me that includes: my TV, my personal cell phone, my TV, my company cell phone, my TV,  my Macbook, my TV, my IMac, my TV, my Ipod for home, my TV,  my Ipod for the car, my TV, my company's laptop, my TV, my stereo, my TV, my dvd player,  my TV, my cd player, my TV,  my Ipad, my TV, my TV and my TV.

So yeah.  I kind of killed my television.  It’s more like I  maimed it.  

I still have it. It still functions.  It’s just in a much more abbreviated version. 

I graduated from cartoons as a child; to sitcoms with laugh tracks as an adolescent; to TV dramas, news shows, and Oprah as a teenager;  to a mindless mass of noise as an adult!

Often the TV was on just to be on.  I don’t know if it’s addiction, habit, comfort or what.  Television has always been part of my existence.  

I know folks who don’t have television.  I’ve always felt very sorry for them. They will go to their graves not knowing who Kim Kardashian is.  

My idol, Madonna, doesn’t watch TV.  It’s Madonna.  It’s OK. 

But when I found out Madonna won’t even let her kids watch TV! . . well I felt that was blatant child abuse!  Luckily for Madonna, I couldn’t quite bring myself to call social services. 

In fact, just the idea of my life existing without television sounded downright painful!

But somehow, four weeks later, here I am existing without television. And to my pleasant surprise, it has been a pain free existence. 

I did rush to watch the Grammy’s last week only to discover the Directv folks had already processed my request to cancel the service.  But it was no biggie. 

Although,  don’t get me wrong, I’m no martyr.

I didn’t want to stop TV cold turkey and endure crippling withdrawal symptoms.  I could see me breaking in homes to watch one more episode of “Real Housewives of Atlanta”.

There was some weaning involved.  In the past few weeks I’ve watched one Saturday morning half hour sitcom,  and the Super Bowl’s commercials and half-time show.

But that’s it.

And I’ve allowed myself to watch movies.  But absolutely no channel surfing is allowed! If the television is on, it must be on for the specific purpose of watching a specific movie. 

The TV is to serve me.  Not vice versa.

There have been some recent discoveries as a direct result of no TV.  The first thing I discovered was silence.  Shortly thereafter, I discovered ‘hidden’ sounds.  For example,  I had no idea my wall clock actually made a little ‘tick tock’ noise as the second hand moved!   The TV was always ‘hiding’ it with its own sound.

Additionally, the sofa has zero laundry on it.  The kitchen doesn’t require a HAZMAT suit.  Magazines and books are getting read. Clutter is contained.  And projects have been dreamed up and/or tackled or completed.

In other words:  Things are getting done. 

Of course, I’m not perfect nor ENTIRELY crazy.  I’m keeping the Ipad!

But if I can conquer my television addiction, I’m confident my ‘Angry Birds’ and ‘Fruit Ninja’ addictions can be addressed and conquered as well. 

Meanwhile . . .

Baby steps!  ;-)

Weekend Binge

I’ve heard that a lot of relationships actually don’t break up over a single monumental thing. It’s those little annoying things that add up to irreconcilable differences.

It's like finances.

It’s not the one big purchase that gets you.  It’s all those little things here and there that just add up. 

I was painfully reminded of this when I got my receipt from a wild weekend of binging.  Specifically, binge apping!

““Angry Birds” is great and all, but for a buck, the HD version has way more levels.”

Come on.  $0.99.  No big.

“I love that song Pandora just played. Who cares that it was so popular EIGHT years ago!  I’m downloading it.  It’s only a buck.”

Another $0.99. 

But it went on.

“OMG!  I heart this old jam too!”

$0.99

“OMG!  Now I REALLY heart this jam!”

$1.29 (. . .  songs that are actually popular this century are a little over a buck.)

“This electronic comic book series has me hooked.  What happens next??”

$9.99 

“Now I know what happened next.  But what happens NEXT??”

$9.99

“This person I’ve never met,  said in this magazine I’ve never read, that this app I may never use, is a must-have app. I must have it!”

$4.99

It added up.

I got my receipt this afternoon.

$45.03??!

My eyes got so big with surprise, my contact lenses practically dislodged. 

How did this happen?  I thought the bill would be about $12.  No joke. 

I seriously planned on $12 - $15 TOPS!  Why the over 300% discrepancy in my head versus reality?

Here’s why:  Zero dollars and chump change add up to no more than $12-$15.

My brain, like most consumers,  (and retailers know this), doesn’t see a WHOLE dollar, when it sees $0.99.  It sees ZERO dollars and some CHANGE.

And $4.99 is FOUR.  It’s not FIVE dollars.  Of course, in reality, even grade school kids know $4.99 may as well be $5. 

I hear, see, and can deal with FOUR dollars.  It’s the softer, gentler version of its fraternal twin, FIVE dollars.

FIVE rounds UP to TEN dollars.   OUCH!  NO WAY!  :-(

FOUR rounds DOWN to a SINGLE dollar.  OK.  NO WORRIES! :-)

I certainly THOUGHT I could deal with it.  My reality is, I can’t.  

Today I’m lucky.  I have a couple gift cards from Christmas to handle my lapse in judgment.

However,  I’m well on my way to over $10,000  in apps by this time next year!    I can’t afford it.  Period.

Lesson learned.

App binging over.

I will absolutely and positively divorce my Ipad citing irreconcilable differences before I indulge another app binge.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some sofa cushions to check!  

Breaking Up

It’s over.

We had a good run you and I. But it’s really over this time.  I deserve better.

When I was younger, it was different.   But I’ve changed.  I’ve grown up.

I’m not that same person.  I can’t allow you to consume me anymore.  Besides, lately your behavior has been a bit erratic . 

Moving in and taking advantage of me is not my idea of a healthy relationship. You ran up my power bill and have yet to pay me back.  You left my car a mess and didn’t lift a finger to clean it.

I’ve tried reasoning with you.  But it’s like talking to a brick wall.  You never listen to me.

And I’ve never said anything before, but, seriously?  You don’t think I know while I’m here at home, you’re out making the rounds all over the country. 

Well I got someone else too.  The past couple of days you’ve been away, we’ve been getting acquainted.  Or should I say, Reacquainted?

It’s been going on for a while.  Several years.  And at the expense of hurting your ego, I have to admit, sometimes when we get together . . . WOW!  Fireworks!

They even bring me flowers!  All these years and you have never brought me a single flower.

You  don’t have to pack up and leave right away, (as if I could make you anyway!).   I’m sure before all is said and done, you’ll be all big and bad and leave yet another mess for me to deal with. 

Fine.  Go for it.  I’m prepared for whatever you have to dish out.

However, let’s not make this awkward. I know you’ll be in town every year with work.  If I’m still in town when you visit, I’ll treat you with the utmost respect.  

And though it’s none of your business,  I imagine you’re just dying to know your replacement.   Unlike you, MY affairs don’t make the news.

But by June 21^st, I’m gonna need you and your stuff out of here so they have plenty of room to move in!    

It’s someone you know. 

It’s your cousin. 

Summer.