Otherwise, criminals may seize the opportunity to mug you. And they may hurt you, or God forbid, kill you, in the process.
But on rare occasions, a late evening trip to the ATM is unavoidable. Same precautions as daylight except add " only use an ATM in a well lit area."
That rare occasion presents itself. You check your wallet and curse yourself because you have zero cash.
You get in your car. You spot an ATM. It's a lonely, creepy statistic waiting to happen.
It's lit. Barely. A couple of lights are busted.
You pull your car in as close to the ATM as possible without scraping your car door. The idea is to get as sheer to the ATM as possible so a mugger can't get between you and the ATM.
But of course, you can't get as close as you'd really like to.
Perhaps, one of those pylons to protect the ATM is cocked out a bit. Maybe the curb the ATM sits on juts out too far. Maybe your car door height and the ATM height is too far off.
Who the hell knows what it will be? But I can assure you that 9 times out of 10 there will be SOMETHING that keeps more distance than you are comfortable with between you and that ATM! You have to literally extend everything from your waist to your skull outside the car door.
So you hurry up and wrestle your debit card out your pocket, your wallet, your purse, your Murse, whatever, and do a quick survey of your surroundings. You want to make sure nobody is lurking around the ATM to attack!
Once the window is down, you place your debit card in the ATM. . . .
This is when your ATM tries to kill you!!!
You see in daylight, ATMs work three times faster than at night. I know that sounds silly. Yes. Research proves daytime and nighttime operations match.
However, ATMs at lonely, creepy places at night seem to take their sweet time and 'mess' with you in an attempt to get your ass mugged and hurt or killed in the process!
Let's take a look at the evidence, shall we? Since I am exquisitely familiar with the role, I will refer to myself as the victim . . . poor me:
(1) It knows who I am when I pop the card in. But it still wants my PIN number!
Hello Mr. Steven Hall! GOTCHA! Just because I know your name doesn't mean we're BFFs. I'll need a Pin number.
(2) Regardless of how many times I've owned and operated a debit card at an ATM, it assumes I just landed on this planet a few minutes ago.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Automated Teller Machine. But most folks just call me ATM. Now if this isn't your bank, you will have to pay a fee. . .
(3) It incorporates evil games and trickery. It's favorite = optical illusions.
Press the arrow pointing to the withdraw option. Or is it pointing to the fast cash option? What the hell is 'fast cash?' Did I just hear rustling over there in the bushes?
(4) It's got attitude.
How much do you want to withdraw Mr. Hall? $25? Oh hell no! You have me mistaken for some floozy Atari kinda model. I'm more of an Xbox 360 variety. Minimum is $50 and only increments of $10.
(5) It asks if I really mean it.
So just to clarify, Mr. Hall, when you keyed in $50, I got a vibe that you were still resentful about the original $25 you asked for. So are we OK? Is $50 truly fine or do we need to hug it out?
(6) It will not be ignored!
So that's how it is? I count the money. I put it in a neat stack. Now that you got what you wanted, you're just gonna run off like all the others? Fine. Just leave. Sniffle.
But at least have the decency to face me like a man and answer me this Mr. Hall:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO PERFORM ANY OTHER TRANSACTIONS?
(7) It leaves open the possibility for a sequel.
This drama is finally over. Or is it? Something isn't right. Just as I realize I am about to forget my ATM card, I see it! The ATM never died!
My heart double dips in my chest and I hold back a blood curdling, (but manly), scream as I take in the sight now before me. The ATM appears to have a devilish grin as its display reads:
WOULD YOU LIKE A RECEIPT?
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